An Old Farmer's Advice:

* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

* Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.

* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

* You cannot unsay a cruel word.

* Every path has a few puddles.

* Into each life some rain will fall. Get use to it and be thankful!

* When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade and be thankful.

* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

* The best sermons are lived, not preached.

* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

* Don't judge folks by their relatives.

* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.

* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.

* Always drink upstream from the herd.

* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

* In every thing give thanks. Makes you day go better!

* Thank God for birthdays. Each one shows you are still alive!

* Each day tell your mate you love them. Makes for a happier marriage!

* Love your enemies they don't know how to handle that!

* A dead Atheist, has no place to go!

* Always plant what you hope to harvest.

* Get the dust off your bible and scare the devil.

* Want to go to heaven. Git a road map, the Bible.

* Ye can't love God and hate your brother.

* Don't pray for a lighter load. Pray for a stronger back.

* To git to heaven, turn right and keep straight.

* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

* I'm drinking form my saucer because my cup has overflowed.

* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.